It Is A Lie

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt ME! 

These words are not true. Though they have been spoken upon numerous occasions as people attempt to feel better about the experience of being injured by words spoken both unintentionally and intentionally by someone.  Language matters and it is important to use it wisely. 

         When we speak, what we say, how we say it, and why we are speaking, matters. There is intention about all that we say, even in those instances when we want to call something a “Freudian Slip,” there is still intent involved even though the speaker might be unconscious about the true intent. Words matter and once they have been spoken, they cannot be erased. The energy generated by them is powerful and permanent.  

         Of course, one can apologize for using words to harm, but once the harm is done, it is not undone by a subsequent apology. In extreme cases where there is a need for an extensive process of working through what was said, the injury and moving forward to a new space will be important, but there is no undoing what has been done by the injurious energy that was activated by the initial comments.  

No wonder some of our wise elders have said, “do not speak unless your words will improve upon the silence.” I use this quote so much because I believe that it is one of the wisest things that I have heard about using language verbally. Of course, there are times, unfortunately when someone chooses to use words to create negative energy. Language becomes the tool of choice when the purpose is to manipulate, to create false realities, to achieve some goal by using a shortcut or to simply harm another person in some way in order to boost their own sense of self.  

All of us have to stay awake to this dynamic and interrogate our intentions when we are talking to or about others. The interrogation has to be courageously and honestly embraced. Our ego will help us to dismiss such verbal abuse if we give it a chance. The ego is a convincing partner in the game of self- deception.  

One of the key factors that can help all of us is learning to speak less and listen better. Along with this, we all need to think about why we are talking when we are speaking and what we hope to gain from speaking. When we are thinking about what we are going to say in any situation, the first prerequisite should be to ask if we are about to tell the truth which is based in a deep concern to do no harm. If there is doubt, it is probably better to leave it unsaid. And the companion to this is the necessity to interrogate whether or not there is any intention to cause harm. 

As I listen to so much of today’s public discourse, it is clear that there is not much effort being placed on, “do no harm” no matter whether the arena is political, religious, educational, economic, or general. Language needs to be protected. But such protection can come only from each of us taking care to do the inner work that helps to set us free so that we can be more conscious about what we are saying each time we speak. Our words reflect our inner community.  

BE BRAVE!!